Taylor the Teacher

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I know, I know, CSPAN is boooooring. That’s what people tell me. But I watch it. ~especially Book TV. yay for Book TV!~ This weekend, I caught New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s State of the City address.

Well, part of it. I had to take a shit about halfway through, so I was unable to finish it.

I’ll leave his statements about schools to NYC Educator, whose analysis of the Bloomberg Education Circus is much more astute than I could ever provide. There’s plenty to object to from this so-called presidential contender without discussing schools. The first statement by the mayor that started my bowels cramping was, “Serving our citizens is our most basic responsibility.” Sounds like a McDonald’s training manual. Hence, my innards reacted the way they typically do to McDonald’s.

But I have to give him credit for telling the truth. He certainly didn’t hide the fact that he intends to cripple the self-governing abilities of every New Yorker, and to install a surveillance infrastructure designed to eradicate privacy, to wit:

Use technology to continue breaking down barriers to city services. For too long individual agencies have looked at their clients in isolation even though many New Yorkers interact with their city government on a whole spectrum of issues. For instance, today, the Human Resources Administration has no ways [sic] of knowing that a woman who is seeking help finding work might also have a history of homelessness and a child in foster care. This year, in a first for any municipal government in this country, we will link the computer systems at more than a dozen city agencies. They will be able to share client information without compromising confidentiality. But under this new system called Health & Human Services Connect, New Yorkers will have have to give their information only once and their information will be updated online as needed.

Exactly why does HR need to know that this woman has a history of homelessness? I’m sure that will help her chances of landing a job. Especially when they find out she’s had her kids taken from her ~for good reasons only, I’m sure.~ And when, exactly, did citizens become clients? Oh yeah, I forgot, this is McDonald’s.

But the sharp abdominal pains really started when the audience started applauding.

And what were they applauding?

Oh, they were really excited that Mr. GoodMayor was going to eliminate the hassle and frustration of having to tell more than one government agency their names.

Senator Amidala was right in Revenge of the Sith, “This is how democracy dies: to thunderous applause.” He called this total assault on the privacy of New York tax payers getting, “A more comprehensive picture of the people we are trying to help.”

Then he started praising the parents of a soldier from NYC who died in the war, ~nice, but irrelevant~ and mentioned fighting domestic violence ~what a pleasant guy. does anyone on earth oppose that?~

I tried to hold it in when he started talking about the homeless because I thought it was important to know what he plans to do about to them. He says he will,

… establish 500 beds for the toughest cases, those who avoid the shelter system because they don’t want to be bound by a curfew or forced into a substance abuse program. We can’t be afraid to flip conventional wisdom on its head when it comes to intractable problems ~you mean intractable people, don’t you Mr. Mayor?~

How dare those people resist forced medical care and curfews! 500 people in a city of 8 and a quarter million? Give me a break.

Holding the urge to shit was almost impossible after Mr. Mayor made me laugh out loud when he promised to “help more young fathers connect with their children…” Eight and a quarter million people, and the mayor is not only going to feed, educate, shelter, and employ them all, he’s going to fix our relationships with our daddies too. ~I thought you were the daddy, Mr. Bloomberg~

How will he do it? One way is by building more classrooms at Riker’s Island. Don’t even get me started on the fine line between public schools and prisons. I said I’d leave the education discussion to NYC Educator.

But the thing that finally sent me screeching to the bathroom was his discussion of screening New Yorkers for colon cancer, and banning trans fats, and — GET THIS — passing LEGISLATION to raise the number of street vendors who sell fruits and vegetables. ~how does that work? ‘oh, you don’t *want* to sell fruit? off to the re-education center for you. the state of new york has decided you’re a fruit seller by nature. the standardized tests say so!~

He’s also quite concerned that his younglings have a healthy place to exercise and play. He wants to make sure that every New Yorker lives within 10 minutes’ walking distance of a park.

So he’s not just the daddy. He’s the mommy too.

Good thing it’s only 30–seconds walking distance to my toilet.