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I’ve been watching Law and Order: Criminal Intent since the series premier. I have a total fiction crush on Bobby Goren, the main detective in that show. Notice I said my crush is on Bobby Goren, not Vincent D’Onofrio, the actor who plays Goren. Not because D’Onofrio isn’t sexy, obviously, because anyone can see how beautiful he is. But Bobby Goren looks like D’Onofrio, but has a mind like a steel trap. Nothing gets by him. Plus, he’s sensitive and nerdy.
But any time TV networks change the schedule and put my shows on a new day, I usually get lost for a while. So my viewership of late is slipping. But I caught a few episodes this weekend and was shocked, frankly, that I let my fiction crush on Bobby Goren blind me to the show’s obvious bad messages about crime and law enforcement.
Do shows like this have an impact on how people perceive crime and law enforcement? This article from Psychology Today seems to suggest it might. Let’s hope not.
Here are some of the things I’ve learned about law enforcement, if Law and Order is to be believed:
1. Cops don’t really care if you smoke dope or buy stolen loot as long as you snitch on the bigger fish. Those crimes are no big deal, but if you refuse to snitch, they’ll throw you under the jail.
2. If a crowd of black people sees a murder in the streets, they won’t move or call the cops. If a crowd of white people sees a murder on the streets, they will run around like crazed idiots and be even less helpful.
3. If you decide to write a book, someone will kill you over it. Same goes for paintings.
4. Norman Bates wouldn’t be able to pull off a murder today. All crime scenes are sprayed with blue stuff that reveals blood even in trace amounts from years ago. Mopping the floor with a cotton mop won’t cut it nowadays.
5. Every murder is investigated. Every rape kit is processed immediately. Every lost person is searched for.
6. When police promise to protect you if you roll on the bad guys, you can definitely believe them. They are invincible and their protection is impenetrable.
7. You have the right to remain silent, but the D.A. will go easy on you if you talk. Also, if you’re innocent, you don’t need a lawyer.
8. It’s okay if cops lie or trick people as long as the bad guys are really REALLY bad.
9. The majority of cops are good cops, and all those good cops are disgusted by bad behavior in other cops.
10. DNA, fingerprints, ballistics reports and other complicated forensic tests can be performed in a matter of hours and the results of these tests are reliable and conclusive.
I’d like to say I’m going to re-think my crush on Bobby Goren. But it’s too late. I mean, have you seen his sexy little head tilt?
11 responses so far ↓
1 ken // Jan 28, 2008 at 8:07 pm
Mr. D’Onofrio was never as sexy as when he portrayed an alien host in Men In Black.
Wouldn’t you agree?
Or that episode of ‘Homicide’, you know, the one where he played to poor pedestrian pushed onto the train track just as the train pulled in to the station. He was like, well, like Mel Gibson’s wife in ‘Signs’ - all cut in half, but still alive.
I think Richard Belzer still found a way to get “a funny” in in that episode.
Those writers know how to butter their bread, even when the bread is stale and moldy.
ken’s last blog post..IQ & credit rating - perfect together
2 ken // Jan 28, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Oh, and I’ve also learned that just below sub-prime music will play over the last two-minute montage of every law enforcement show.
Sometimes, if you’re lucky, you’ll catch an episode of Cold Case with a Jewel. She seems soft and cuddly.
ken’s last blog post..IQ & credit rating - perfect together
3 sadcox // Jan 29, 2008 at 9:53 am
Two words…The Wire.
I’m assuming you haven’t seen it. Put it at the top of your Netflix/Blockbuster cue, and you must start with the first season.
4 Kaelie Curbxstomp // Jan 29, 2008 at 1:27 pm
Goren is incredibly yummy when he gets that look on his face and solves the whole case. OMG. I watch it just for his brilliancy and when he gets worked up in an interrogation. Yeah, I agree that Goren is amazing.
Kaelie Curbxstomp’s last blog post..Silence
5 Val // Jan 29, 2008 at 1:30 pm
How perceptive you are! Yes, Vincent/Bobby is absolutely gorgeous. Yes, what you say about the portrayal of police procedure is spot on.
If you have a spare moment pop over to life-and-vincent.blogspot.com and enjoy the pictures of the lovely man I post there every day.
6 Taylor // Jan 29, 2008 at 6:34 pm
@ken Don’t forget when D’onofrio had no nose in the Salton Sea!
@curb Um. Yeah. U so right!
@Val Do you run a D’onofrio forum?
@sadcox I’ve never even heard of the Wire. Is it a TV show?
also — what do you use for that quiz on your blog?
7 sadcox // Jan 29, 2008 at 9:37 pm
The Wire:
http://www.itfrom.us/2007/12/17/television-that-is-better-than-most-books/
And here’s the poll plugin:
http://blog.jalenack.com/archives/democracy/
8 Miss Profe // Jan 30, 2008 at 6:43 am
Taylor, I share the same opinions re: Law and Order: CI, Bobby Goren and Vincent D’Onofrio. He’s appeared in a number of indie films in which he gave good performances.
I also give The Wire mad props. I am currently working on Season 2.
Miss Profe’s last blog post..Gifted Children Left Behind?
9 Tina Kubala // Jan 31, 2008 at 1:50 am
I am a Law & Order addict. CI is my least fav. My crush is reserved for Stabler from SVU - so hot, so intense.
Any conversation about crime/current events with me ends up with me saying “There is a L&O like that where…”
Tina Kubala’s last blog post..Ashes to Ashes by Tami Hoag
10 GingerTPLC // Jan 31, 2008 at 7:08 am
His portrayal of Abbie Hoffman was TOPS in my book. AND it also had Janeane Garafalo!
But we have to also remember him in Full Metal Jacket! Bald, fat, and with a giant hole in the back of his head?
11 Taylor // Jan 31, 2008 at 4:56 pm
OMG I HATE detective Stabler! He’s so emotional, and he likes to kick people’s asses just because he can! But, he is good looking. That actor who plays Stabler, incidentally, gave a hilarious performance on Scrubs as a pediatrician with a “thing” for hand puppets, or dolls, which he called “collectibles.”
Yes! Loved the Abbie Hoffman role, but loved Sam Deeds in Happy Accidents even more!
Nobody touches Bobby Goren, however. I don’t even watch the CI episodes w/ Christopher Noth unless I have nothing else to do (practically never!)
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