Taylor the Teacher

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Nearly every day at least one person arrives at my blog via the search engine terms “teaching with love and logic.” Quite rightly. Every teacher should buy “Teaching With Love and Logic” by Jim Fay and David Funk, and keep it handy. Other than a couple of reading strategies books that are essentially reference books and Harry Wong’s, “The First Days of School,” ~the principles in which are vital, but quickly mastered, relatively speaking~ “Teaching With Love and Logic” is the single most valuable investment per dollar that I have ever made in my teaching career.

This is not only because it is extremely effective in the classroom, but also because it addresses key issues of character in me as a person, as a human.

I am far from having all these principles down. Learning to always treat others with patience, love, and respect is a lifelong project. I have always believed that if you break down the traits of a good teacher they are essentially identical to the traits of a good person, and this book brings that clear to me every time I pick it up. It’s really not just a teaching book. It’s a life book.

Which is why I don’t write about the book more often. It’s tough to see the ways in which I fall short, and even as I write this I’m thinking I better hurry up and go to bed because inevitably as I run my mouth about love and respect, something will happen tomorrow to test me on my words. So I really need my sleep.

I was thinking back over some times when I have apologized to students right in the middle of “disciplining” them, and found it very humbling and breaking. There’s a tendency to think that admitting mistakes or saying “I’m sorry” will weaken our position as authority figures, but I have invariably found the opposite to be true. It is impossible to learn from someone that you perceive has hurt you.

Period.

No way around this.

Really.

Take it as a rule: People do not cooperate with those they do not trust.

I myself can remember times when I have felt hurt and been unable to acknowledge the justice of what another person said, even though deep down I knew they were right. My pain was an impediment to my learning.

So, who cares, really, if I’m “right” as the teacher? I’ve never deliberately hurt a student, of course, but there have been times when, in discussing a discipline issue with a student, I can see that they’re hung up on a particular word or a snap decision I made. When that happens, it’s only right to assess myself. To try to see the justice of what the student is saying.

Without question, the students in these cases have behaved poorly. So what? I’m not here to hurt, and nobody learns while their ego is bruised. Besides, am I too good to apologize? Here’s an example that comes to mind:

I have an armchair in my classroom, which J. decided one day last year he was going to sit in for the reading time, which was fine until J. and another student began to shove and push and argue over that seat. It was right at the beginning of class. This was my rowdiest class, and I was afraid things were going to deteriorate, so I stepped in too quickly. ~fear is the path to the dark side~ I said that since people were arguing over the chair I would let the person with the highest average have the chair. I didn’t know precisely who that was, but I knew it wasn’t any of those who were arguing. While I looked up the highest average, J. sat in the chair anyway and the whole issue settled down, but I felt I had to stick to my guns, so I made J. get out of the chair and hand it over to another student.

The child went absolutely ape shit. Became very disrespectful, loud, disruptive. Now nobody was reading anything, and J. was seated nowhere.

I sent J. outside the classroom. Remembering one tip from “Teaching With Love and Logic,” I waited about 10 minutes to meet him there. It’s better to give each of us time to get it together. Once I got outside, J. was furious with me for embarrassing him by making him get out of the chair when the issue was really over among the students. It was only me that felt I HAD to re-settle an issue they had already settled amongst themselves JUST BECAUSE I HAD SAID.

His feelings were hurt. There was nothing to do but apologize for my part in it.

This doesn’t excuse his behavior, of course. It was easier for him to see this after my apology.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m prouder and more stubborn than anyone you know. It was HARD apologizing for what I viewed as a minor issue compared to the outrageous display he had just put on. It would have been easy to hide behind my status as “the grown up.” Sometimes I have.

But it was the right thing to do to apologize to J. for hurting his feelings, not just for the classroom, but for my own character.

The best part is this:

Not only is it right, love and logic always works.

It is insane to treat people badly and then expect their cooperation. Sociopathic.

Thinking about this today made it very clear to me that this is precisely what’s wrong with my school.

Teachers and students are insulted, embarrassed, humiliated, and taken for granted in a hundred big and small ways daily, and then asked to cooperate. When the cooperation isn’t forthcoming ~as it cannot possibly be, given the aforementioned rule~ the response is always the same: more crack-down. More humiliation. Less respect.

It’s a painful environment to work in. Furthermore, these tactics DO NOT WORK. The students and teachers are not more cooperative, productive, and educated because of these tactics. Quite the opposite.

Worst of all, the path of respecting others is actually much easier on the leadership than the one of constant enforcement and skull-cracking.